you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
