There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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