Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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