xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
