He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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