I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
