even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
