I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
