Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
