Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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