You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
