I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
