Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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