Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
