I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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