I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
