i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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