never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
