What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
