do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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