So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
