I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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