4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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