On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
