Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
