everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
