; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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