Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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