This is not my ceiling
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
