Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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