i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
the raccoons are back...
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