Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
