I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
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oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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