We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
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But theres a keg here and me gusta
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.