I hope my margaritas pass through security.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go