Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My liver just broke up with me...
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.