I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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