I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
