either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
