and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
