I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
