he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
