Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
