isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
