At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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