he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
