Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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