somebody snuck up and got me drunk
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
