I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she was so not down for the gang bang
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
