carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
