Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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