I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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