What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
