if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
