Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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