dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
