we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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