I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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