If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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