my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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