This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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