I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
