thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
