so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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