Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
either way he was missing a nipple.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize