Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize