I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
